Breathe Me
by The Whitest Shade Of Pale
Summary: A songfic. Breathe Me - Sia. I don't belong here. Nobody wants me here. Rated T for theme. Don't worry, a happy one will be coming soon:


_Italics = Lyrics_

**Bold = Flashbacks**

Regular = Thoughts

Song; Breathe me - Sia

The wonderful familiar feeling rushed over me again. Everything fading away; The daily hurt pain and anger. My head felt all warm, and I could feel the fuzziness pumping through my brain. This wasn't the first time I've tried to do this, I've tried many times before, but somebody always found me. Didn't they get it I don't want to be here any more? I would always wake up to the familiar bleeping of hospital machines, with a nurse looking over me. It's so obvious people don't want me here on this Earth, so why do people always save me? I want to die. They say when you die, your whole life flashes in front of you.

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame  
_

"**Hey look guys, it's the freak!"**

**Rikki started backing away, looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights. She kept backing away, then she crashed into the lockers behind her, and hit her head.**

"**Look at that, she's already hurt herself, now we can just add to that. It was an accident though, wasn't it bitch?"**

"**Yes." Rikki squeaked back.**

"**Aww look, the little mouse just squeaked. Pity she's so ugly, otherwise it might have been cute." Rikki wondered what she had done to deserve all this, has she done something wrong? She was just trying to live a normal 13 year old life. Well, not normal. Not many girls her age were beaten wherever they went. Beaten almost senseless at home, raped if her father wanted it. Then at school, just picked on for who she was; The small little loner freak, with dirty second hand clothes, dirty hair and a boys name. The freak, they called her. They being the worst bullies; Alice, and Leanne. Alice would normally get her older brother involved too, he was in year 11, and he was very big for his age. Tom, his name was, he would sometimes beat her up after school, if Alice told him to. There were more bullies, but Leanne and Alice were the worst.**

_  
Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

**She did have one friend though. Her name was Chelsea. The shared the same secrets, but Chelseas wasn't half as bad as Rikkis. Her dad did slap her from time to time, but he never burnt, or hit, or kicked or slapped her. Or rape her. But then, Chelsea moved away to Wales with her ****family. So now Rikki was alone. She was alone at school, unless her dad wanted her. But her dad wanting her was not a good thing. Or at school, she was alone unless Alice or Leanne needed to take their anger out on someone. It was September the 26****th**** when she first attempted it. She had had the worst week ever. Chelsea moved away, Leanne and Alice had been extra mean. They had pushed her in the school showers and turned them on, then got Alices brother to come and beat her up. Then when she got home, her dad was more drunk than usual. She was dragged up to her room, and used. And abused. It was 6 o'clock when her blonde hair was dragged up the stairs. It was 10 o'clock when her drunken father came down the stairs zipping up his trousers then collapsing on the sofa. She knew her life was going to continue to be like this, an endless cycle of pain. So she thought, **_lets just end it now. _**So she found a knife in the kitchen, and slid it down her wrists, and sat on the floor. She smiled, she will be with her mother soon. **__

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

**Her eyes flickered open, and she sighed. Her dad was sat next to her. It suddenly occurred to her the only reason he had saved her was because he wanted her. Nobody else would love him, So instead of changing his ways, he would just rape his daughter. Compensating for the sex life he would never have. When her dad finally left, She looked around. She saw a machine that was flowing into her body, and she realised that it was the thing that was keeping her here. So, with all the strength she could find, she pulled out the tube. She was disappointed after while, as nothing happened. But soon, the hospital curtains started swirling around. Then, she disappeared into a safe world inside her head. **__

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

I sighed. How pathetic was this? I have tried, what at least 5 times to end this life. I mean what's the point? The only person on this planet that loved me, was my dad. And he only loved me as a punch bag and sex toy. I really wished that nobody wouldn't find me one day. But I had tried that. I had gone into the woods and held myself under the water in river, but some person must have found me. Can't they see that it's not accidental? Can they not see that I want it so badly? There is nothing to do here any more. I would always be a nobody. But I can't say I never wished for friends. I saw loads of people walking around, in love, in friendships. I opened the hospital curtains, and closed them almost immediately. They had shoved me in the childrens wing. There were another 9 beds in here, and each one had a child in the bed, surrounded by presents, and balloons and get well soon cards. And then, on the chairs next to them were either smiling parents, or children the same age as them. A wave of jealousy swept through me.

Stop.

You don't deserve friends.

They do.

Why else would father use you every night? Its punishment.

Your not meant to be here.

I sat on my bed, and examined my cubicle.

I looked through the gap between the cupboard doors, and saw a dressing gown, with 'hospital use only' printed all over it. But then, I saw what was attached onto it. A belt. A long belt. A strong belt. A belt that would support my weight. I smiled inwardly, and struggled to make my way over to the wardrobe, and picked up the dressing gown, and removing the belt. I sat down on my bed and created a loop of death. I hung the noose from the ceiling, and using the last of my strength to place my head though the gap, and step of the bed.

_  
Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me _

Then it all went black.

I hope I have succeeded.

I don't belong here.


End file.
